When He Left

When the darkness hits he changes. Not into a werewolf or a superhero but someone else. The smell that lingers isn’t from his cologne but from cigarette buds and liquor. It fills the apartment when he walks in. This is what makes him change. He goes from the hardworking man we all love to the devil in the flesh.

Saturday begins: my boyfriend and I go out; Trevor plays video games all day and my mom does laundry. Every Saturday is when dad turns into that different person. He hasn’t come home since Friday night. It’s 2 pm.  We call but no one answers his phone, straight to voicemail.

We hear the keys in the door.  We brace ourselves because we know he must be drunk.

I turn around to mom “Relax please if he starts just go in your room and wait till he falls asleep.”

Before I can turn around mom screams, “Oh my God!” She runs to the door and I see Larry, his friend holding dad up.

Dad’s head is bleeding. The red blood was all over his leather jacket and blue jeans. My brother rushes out of the room, I feel his warm body standing next to me. Our hearts are in synced, beating faster than ever.

Larry says, “I didn’t have time to call you guys because I wanted to make sure he got upstairs as soon as possible.” He goes towards our bathroom.

“Raymond, what did you get yourself into?” Mom is trying to make sense out of the whole thing but he is in a daze.

“Dad, are you okay? Please answer me, what happened?” Tears roll down my face.

I place my hand over his chest to hear his heart beat but its beating so fast.

Trevor gets a warm cloth and puts it over his head to try and stop the bleeding. Larry is drunk as well and can’t give us the details of what happened. Dad comes out of the bathroom stubbing, eyes red and trying not to look at us.

Mom is trying to maintain her composure and not yell at Larry.

“You know if it was the other way around and your butt was drunk, Raymond would not have gotten this drunk so he could take you home! His head is bleeding!”

Larry stood silently. “It all happened so fast, I turned around and he was on the floor, he hit his head on something.”

Mom walks over to the phone to call 911 and under her breath, I hear, “I’m so sick and tired of this.”

Dad starts gasping for air.

He grabs his chest. His eyes move from side to side. A million thoughts are running through our minds. Why did he have to go out last night? Our thoughts are interrupted, as the EMS workers rush into our apartment.

“We can handle it from here. We will do the best we can to help him, trust us.” We watch the EMS workers hold him down to stop the bleeding and take his pulse.

As they took him out on the stretcher, he just laid there. We all followed them to the lobby.

“Sorry but only one of you can come with us,” says one of the EMS workers.  I decide to come. As they closed the doors, I watched mom and Trevor watch us leave the block. Trevor holding mom close and rubbing her back. I look down at dad and start crying.

 “Please dad stay alive for us, stay alive for me.

The whole ride I can’t stop thinking about what will change if he die.

We finally get to the hospital as the EMS rush him in. The doctors from the emergency room are asking them what happened and what kind of medicine he takes. There is one doctor in particular that had begun to ask me a million questions.

“Was he on any medication?”  Does he have a history of chest pain?  Does he have hypertension? Does he have heart problems?

“Yes he has high blood pressure,” I said.

“You noticed any changes in his behavior?”

Dad had been drinking a lot for the past 10 years. He is losing weight and forgetting things. This might have been a sign that something was wrong. He had gone to the doctor plenty of times because he has to for work but again he would say, “Don’t worry about me I’m fine.” He wasn’t fine then and He isn’t fine now. “I don’t know, he never told us anything.

The doctor must have had a feeling that I didn’t know the extent of my father’s situation. He simply told me, “Everything will be alright, he is in great care.” As he smiled, I smiled back but that didn’t make me feel any better. As soon as he walks away I hear my phone.

“Ally, has there been any news about your father?”

“No mom I wish it was something new I could tell you but he is still stable.”

“Okay keep me posted.”

The Next Day

I wake up hearing the sound of his breathing machine next to me. The sun is bright hitting my eyes. I look out the window. My watch says 10:30am.

“Good morning! Can I get you anything?” said the doctor. He is the same one from last night. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself last night but I’m Dr. Henry Lewis.” He held out his hand I shook it.

“Nice to meet you, is there any news on my father.” I didn’t want him to ask me anymore questions.

“Yes but its not good news. I think you should call your mom and brother so I can tell all of you guys at once,” he said. Something is wrong, I can’t wait. Mom will understand, she would rather us know as soon as we can.

“We waited long enough. As soon as you tell me I will call her and my brother.”

My heart started beating so fast, I was so nervous. My hands started to shake, Dr.  Lewis must have noticed, he took my hand.

“When we read his X-rays we saw he must have been hit in the head hard. The blow was so severe it affected his nerve muscles. That is what caused his heart attack. Another factor, is all the drinking he is doing.”

Dr. Lewis continued, “This is not all. Your father has a cancerous tumor on his brain. It is in the advance stage. I don’t know how long he knew or when he found out. Because of doctor and patient confidentiality we couldn’t tell family members. I assume the doctor told your dad to tell you but he decided not to. Your dad is dying and now we are trying to find out how long he has to live. My assumptions are that he has about 3 to 6 months to live. We are monitoring him very closely now.”

I need silence but I want noise. I want dad to tell me why he didn’t tell us. I know this sound selfish but how could he just decide to die and not tell us. I started crying again and I felt the doctor’s hand on my shoulder.

“If you want I can call your mom and tell her.”

“No I’m going to call her, just give me a minute to take everything in.”

“As you wish, again we are still monitoring him very closely. I know once he is awake he will be glad to see you, your mom and brother.” Dr. Lewis left the room and I heard him tell the nurse to bring me some water. I take out my phone to call them and I hear movement.

Dad is up. As soon as he sees me, a smile slightly comes across his face. I can’t contain my emotions so I start to cry in his arms. I feel his hand rubbing my back.

“I didn’t want you guys to worry. I know I should have told you and stopped drinking but I couldn’t. I was in extreme denial. I know I put you all through a lot of stress and pain but I won’t anymore.”

At this moment, I think about our apartment where arguments take place, doors slam and walls are hit. Where Trevor would keep his door closed until he knew dad was sleep. Mom begging him to stop drinking.

This same apartment where he taught me my ABC’s, how to count money. The table where Sunday Dinners were held, where we played UNO. The apartment will be quiet, just like we wanted it but not like this. They always say be careful what you wish for. Now I just want my dad to be healthy again.

———-Seymone Kelly