Finding Them

I never wanted to be like my parents. They left me. But right now I don’t know what decision to make. She’s pregnant and has the support from her folks. Me on the other hand just have my adopted parents.

Rick and Lisa, my real parents had me when they were only 16. They were in love. Lisa’s family wanted her to focus on her ballet while Rick’s family wanted him to focus on his basketball career. So basically my grandparents didn’t want me.

I understand why they chose adoption for them. But I don’t understand why my grandparents couldn’t take care of me. Maybe because I look just like my pops and have my mom’s smile. I only know that because of my adopted parent’s picture.

There’s a picture they have of Rick and Lisa the day they gave me away. Forcing themselves to smile, holding me tightly in the picture. I used to ask my parents about Rick and Lisa but after a while it began to bore me. Now that Alicia is having a baby I feel like I should look for them.

I’m ready to start a family and so is Alicia. I know Rick and Lisa are still in New York. Rick and Lisa aren’t a famous dancer or basketball player. I don’t see them on television or billboards or something. Alicia has been down my back about the whole situation. She is giving me that extra push to look for them.

Alicia decides to meet me by the job for lunch. The adoption agency is close to my job, so killing two birds in one stone is what we will do today. Last time I checked in with my parents they said the adoption was open but whenever I wanted to reach out to my Rick and Lisa, they wouldn’t hold me back.

We walk into the building. It’s quiet, no windows. I get a weird feeling of deja vu. Snap out of it..I look to my right and there is the receptionist.

“Good afternoon, my name is Rachel. How can I help you today?” Her smile seems genuine but let’s see if she can really help me.

“Good afternoon, I wanted to know if I could speak to someone about my adoption.”

Rachel looks at me, wrinkles her eyebrows.

“What’s your full name? What about your parent’s name as well?”

“Richard Player and Lisa Donald. My name is Trevon Willis.”

Rachel writes it all down. She stands up. “Okay I’ll be back.”

She walks towards the back. I see her go inside an office. I look at Alicia. She smiles at me and begins to rub my back. Her lips softly kiss my cheek. I start looking around. I see so many young people in here. I guess they are going through the same thing Lisa and Rick were.

Some of them are with their parents, some aren’t. Some are pregnant and some have babies in their hands. It’s a bittersweet moment.

Rachel comes back with a slight smile on her face. My heart starts to beat fast.

“Trevon, I have some great news.”

“Yes.” I try not to show my excitement.

“Your parents are looking for you as well. Because of how the system works it’s been hard because your adoption went from being an open one to a closed one. That’s something your parents should be able to better explain to you. If you want I can give you their number or you want me to give them your information?”

“I can take theirs.” Rachel gets a post-it and begins to write. I should have just told her no but it’s too late now. I take a tissue from out of my pocket and wipe my forehead. I’m sweaty.

Alicia whispers in my ear, “Babe, it’s okay. I’m here.”

“Here you go. Good luck with everything.” Rachel winks at me and hands me the post-it.

“Thank you so much.” I extend my hand for a handshake and we shake hands.

I look at the number. This all feels surreal.

I grab Alicia’s hand  as we walk out. I feel overwhelmed, anxious and nervous all in one leaving here. I take my phone out my pocket, anxious and nervous.

Dial..212-555-5666… ring..ring..ring.

“Good Afternoon, This is Mrs. Taylor speaking.”

“Hi, Mrs. Taylor. This might sound weird but I’m your son.” There’s a brief pause…

“Hello…hello are you still there?”

“Yes I’m here son.” She sniffles. “Can you hold on for a minute? I want to put you on speaker, your dad is right here.”

Just like that. I felt a sense of belonging.

“Blue Family Until I Die.”

“Man I’m tired of seeing these niggers on TV protesting. “ Tim said as he gets in our patrol car.

As I start the car up, I turn to Tim. “They are really trying to make us look bad.”

“You about what happened to John right?”

“Yes, I feel bad for him and his family.” John is a good cop, blue family until we die. Some black guy resisted arrest. He was reaching for something and John told him to stop. Long story short, John shot him. Which he was supposed to do. These people don’t have any common sense. The incident is being investigated because the guy didn’t have a gun but how was John supposed to know. We can’t take any risk.

“I just hope our justice system works in his favor.” Driving through the town, we see some black protestors. They have signs that read “Fuck the pigs,” “Black Lives Matters,” “John Jail,” “Don’t fail us, Judges.”

Tim shakes his head,” Look at them. Our lives matters too. I have kids.” I can see Tim turning red. I’m just as upset. Everyone is mad at us but we are just doing our jobs. Protecting our community, protecting our family, protecting, isn’t that our job?

Every time we have to patrol this area there is always something happening. I hate it. This is where the incident happened with John, so we have to be on point.

“What’s going on over there?” Tim looks real serious. I slow down the car to get a better look. I see two black kids sitting on a stoop. A woman who looks like a crackhead is walking towards them. She is scratching her arms excessively. She gets closer to them and one of the kids hands her something. I can’t make out what it is.

“Let’s see what’s going on,” says Tim. I stop the car and turn the sirens on. The woman starts walking fast and the two boys look in our direction.

As Tim gets out the car, the one who gave the woman the drugs starts to run. “Shit!” Tim starts to chase him.

I run to the other kid, “Don’t do anything stupid.” He still, he doesn’t even blink.

I see Tim chasing after the kid, so I start running that way.

“Stop! You won’t get far!” Tim yells. I’m not far behind but suddenly the kid trips. He gets up and immediately puts his hands up.

“Now you want to stop, you are under arrest.”

“I ain’t doing anything, sir.” The young boy says as Tim is walking towards him with his gun drawn.

“Seriously? We saw you selling crack.”

“I wasn’t.” His voice cracks.

The kid is nervous, his eyes move from us to the gun, back and forth.

“Look kid, just come with us.” As I walk towards him he reaches for his pocket.

POP

The kid grabs his chest. Red starts to spread his white tee shirt

“What the hell dude?” I run to the kid’s side to see if he is breathing. Tim steps back.

“Stay with us kid.” I check his pockets. I feel something. It’s a container with white substance.

“See I knew this nigger had drugs on him.” Tim starts to smile. He looks like a kid in a candy shop. I open the container but the smell is of lotion.

“Kid, what is this?” I look at the kid who is holding his chest. He has to be the same age as my son. Tim takes the container and smells it.

“Fuck. This is lotion. You sure there is no drugs on him? Check again.” He starts to sweat. That smile wipes off from his face real fast.

“I’m calling it in.” As I reach for my walkie. Tim grabs my shoulder.

“Don’t.” He reaches in his pocket and gives me a small container with drugs in it. “Fuck this kid. He ran. Put this in his pocket.”

I look into the kid’s eyes. Tears start to form. I put the container in his pocket. He stares at me, hopeless with his hand on his chest.

Blue family until I die.

“Come in, please.”

The breeze against my face reminds me of the time Eric and I took the children camping. We grew up around nature so we knew the perfect spot to take them. I remember my friends and I sneaking off from our group because we wanted to explore the woods. Being a teenager all you want to do is rebel against authority. We came across a lake that Eric and his friends were.

From the moment I saw him I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It’s crazy that I felt like that at 14 years old. But we bonded and connected too soon, too fast but being in love you can’t help how you feel.

After leaving our country lifestyle behind in Virginia for the city that never sleeps, many jobs, degrees and two children later, we really connect as we once did. We don’t sleep. Well we hardily sleep together but I do still love being with Eric.

I thought everything was perfect up until a couple of months ago. I know we got married and said ‘till death do us part’ but forgiveness is what I’m trying to do.

Snap out of it Jess!

I hear rapid knocks on the door. The children. A smile flashes across my face. As I rush to the door and close my robe. Opening the door, Shannon yells, “Mommie we missed you!”

Shannon jumps on me and Adam is right behind her. It’s only been two days but the smiles on their faces make me so happy. Here are two reasons why I should work things out with Eric.

“Mommy missed her babies,” I kiss them all over their cheeks. They start to laugh.
Then a voice interrupts, “All your babies are back.” Eric is trying to lighten up the mood. I just ignore his comment.

They let go of me and go running inside. “Guys please walk and wash your hands.”
As I turn around Eric is smiling at me. It’s been a couple of months since our break-up. I don’t know when I’ll forgive him but he is looking nice today. He is wearing my favorite cologne. Of course as well as the shirt I got him. I remember going through the entire city to find the perfect shirt. He was going to an interview for his director position. I think that shirt got him the interview but that could just be me.

I guess this is his way of saying he misses me.

“Nice shirt.”

He smirks, “Thanks my wife brought it for me. I think this shirt has some good luck attached to it.”
Eric hands their bags to me but touches my hand softly. I know this wasn’t by accident. “Well hopefully you don’t run out of good luck.” I move my hand slowly away.

“I hope not either.” Just looking at his face, those eyes always get to me. Both of our children have them.

“Are you hungry? I know you didn’t make anything for the Adam and Shannon.” Eric isn’t a cooker but I know he always tries to put something together.

“Well I had Abigail cook for us.”

“Who is Abigail?” My heart starts beating fast. I feel like I’m about to have a hot flash.

“Just someone from work.”

“That’s all? I hope you don’t have any random people around my kids.” I fold my arms.

“You mean our kids? And no I don’t. Abigail is my new assistant. She came over to drop off some paperwork for me.”

“And to cook breakfast for you and your family huh? Aren’t we were still married?”

He sighs, as if he thinking why the hell he came upstairs.

“Can we not talk about this now?”

Now I’m frustrated. “I have the right to question you. You cheated on me. I’m sorry; I just want to know who you have around my children.”

“I know you are just asking but you have nothing to worry about. I won’t cheat on you again. I was in a bad space after my mom died. She meant nothing. I know that’s no excuse but it was all in my head. I’m sorry Jess, I really am. I just want you to forgive me.”

My friends tell me, I should stay with him because we have been through a lot. I stuck it out with him when he had no money. I would help him with his reports and speeches.

“I’m sorry for all the nights I left you alone. If you want this to be over here.” He grabs my hand and gives me a paper.

“If you want to give up on us then you can sign this right now. If not I know a counselor we can go to. I love you and our children. I don’t want to give up on us.”

I look at the papers. At the top it says, “TO FILE FOR DIVORCE.” I don’t want him to walk away. I don’t want to sign these papers. I stare into his eyes and realize my feelings are still there. I realize that
I can forgive him.

I take his hand, “Come in, please.”

Those Blue Eyes

I didn’t feel like going out tonight. It’s Friday. I had a long day at the library. I’m tired. But of course Teresa is dragging me out to her law firm’s 20^th year anniversary. All Teresa does, is brags about the hot guys there.

Newly single me is looking forward to some eye candy.

“I’m so glad you are coming with me tonight Maggie. There are a lot of hot guys there. Black, White, Indian, Asian. You need to explore our opinions girl,” she says with a chuckle.

She has always dated outside of our race but I have always been scared. Plus it’s not like I have all these foreign guys knocking at my door anyway. Teresa just has the best of luck. She’s tall, use to study dance with long brown hair. Her type is anyone with money, both women and men included. I can care less about money.

The lounge where the event is taken place is upscale. I pull out my silk black off the shoulders dress; it’s a real eye catcher. It has a split up to my knee. It’s sexy but classy. I put on my gold heels and jewelry on. My earrings hang, so I create a slick bun with my curls.

Teresa pulled out her freakum dress. Red, tight and thigh length. I know we won’t be leaving at the same time.

“I’m going to get me a rich man tonight.” She looks in the mirror and spins around.

Shaking my head as I say, “Let’s hit the road.”

I check Uber on my phone. Just like that the cab is a block away.

—————————————

And just like that suddenly I felt out of place. Some of the women are in gowns and then men are in suits. It just smells like money all around. Everyone looks so put together, I’m nervous.  Teresa is in her element. She walks so confidently, to the entrance. I slowly walk behind her. Of course she knows the bouncer, so we walk right in.

I notice the chandeliers. Everything is so beautiful. Some people are seated, some are by the bar, and some are on the dance floor. The room is huge, elegant, and full of professional business men and women. My salary at the library is probably what they give their kids for allowance every week.

The waiters and waitresses walk around handing out champagne to everyone. Teresa and I each grab one and tap our glasses.  She looks over and notices some of her coworkers. I follow her led, moving towards them. Hugs and cheek kisses are giving all around.

As I sip my champagne, I see this guy staring. I turn to my left and there he is. He smiles at me. I turn around to see if someone is behind me and see no one. I turn back around and he is talking to someone. He reminds me of Bradley Cooper. The sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and close cut beard. He has on a black suit with a greyish tie. The guy he is talking to I remember Teresa dating him. Robert, he was cool but Teresa wasn’t looking for nothing more than a hit it and quit it.

Mr. Anonymous Bradley Cooper has a glass of what it looked like gin.

He cuts his eyes back at me. He looks out of my league.

I tapped Teresa, “Who is that over there?” She looks over and smiles.

“Oh that’s Tom Reed. He is a lawyer at the firm. He is around 30. He’s hot right?” She winked at me. I can’t help but blush.

“Yes He is.” As I said that, He stops talking to the Robert and looks our way. My head goes down, hoping he didn’t catch me looking again.

I feel Teresa moving by me; just like that she is telling him to come over.

“Why are you calling him over here?” I nudge her.

“Because I see you have a crush on him and if I don’t do this, you won’t. That’s what roomies are for right.”

I hate when she does this. My heart is beating extremely fast and he isn’t even over here yet. I finish my champagne and get another one.

Tom reaches to us and gives Teresa a hug, “How are you Teresa? You look good.” He smells so good.

“Thank you Tom. You look good as well.”

“Why thank you?” I lift my head up slightly. His blue eyes are so beautiful but so familiar.

“Tom, this is my best friend Maggie. Maggie, this is Tom.” He takes my hand and kisses it.

“Nice to meet you Maggie. You look stunning and smell good too.” My cheeks turn red. There is a chill. Something familiar.

“Thank you and nice to meet you as well.” We smile at each other.

Teresa starts the conversation, “So Tom, you know that Maggie is a writer. And Maggie, Tom likes to read those boring books, you like to read. Maybe you guys can hang out or something.”

“Really? What’s your favorite novel?” Tom looks at me directly. I can’t tell if he is interested or not.

“The Alchemist. How about you?

“That’s a pretty good book. Mine is “The Kite Runner.” Wow we have a lot in common.

“I love that book. Khaled Hosseini is an amazing writer. Have you read “A Thousand Splendid Suns?

“Yes I have. Wow Teresa, beauty and brains. I like her.” And I like how you say my name.

“Well I’m going to leave you two bookworms alone. When you are ready to go come get me. I have some mingling to do. Please take good care of my friend.”

Standing alone with Mr. Blue eyes is intimidating.  Alone. He smells good. He inches closer to me. As the jazz band, plays in the background.

“Let’s dance.” He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. A lot of the women are watching us. Some of them are making faces at me. It feels good to be alone with him but then again I don’t know his story.

When we reach the dance floor, I see Teresa. She is drunk I can tell. Some random dude is kissing her neck. I guess she is getting the attention she wanted.

We get to the middle of the dance floor and the jazz band is playing, “The Feeling of Jazz.”

“Love this song.” He places one hand on the arch of my back, his other hand our fingers collide into one another.

“Oh and you like jazz too? What album is this from?

“In a Sentimental Mood.”

He lets go of my hand and rubs his hand against my face   “I like you already Maggie.”

“You say that to all the women. I’m not your type.” He looked at me strangely. Wrinkles began to form by his eyebrows.

“How would you know my type? We just met.”

“And how would you know you like me? We just met.”

“I guess it’s a first time for everything right.” He winked. Those blue eyes are memorizing.

“True. So the swirl it is.” He smirks.

“Ha, I don’t look at you and see color. I look at you and see someone who I would like to get to know.”

“We can make that happen.” The jazz band stopped and everyone in the place claps.

Tom grabs my hand, “I’m ready to go. I’ll take you home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’ll meet you in front. Go tell Teresa bye.” He walks away and I start looking for her. I look towards the bar and there she is. I walk over to her but she is tongue-tied with Mr. Lover man.

“Teresa, Tom is taking me home. Will you be okay?

“Yes I will. Have fun and don’t wait up for me.” She and Mr. Loverman start kissing again. He smells of cigarettes and he looks like Jack Nicholson. I guess, this is the rich lawyer she was looking for.

But should I go with Tom, I don’t know him that well. Just in case, I have mase in my bag because I never leave home without it. When I get outside the club, I see Tom standing in front of his BMW. He smiles at me.  Something hits me, those blue eyes. How could I forget?

Summer of 1998, I was at summer camp. One of my counselors was teaching us how to swim. I hated wearing a bathing suit. The bathing suit was black with a rainbow on it. My counselor at the time forced us all in the pool. So as I dip my feet in the water because I was nervous. I felt a push and after that everything went dark. I remember coughing, vision was blurry. Someone was shaking me. I heard someone telling me to wake up. I couldn’t see anything but their sandy blonde hair and blue eyes.

TOM! It is him.  I begin to walk across the street and lights from a car, stop me dead in my tracks.

Someone grabs me, my breathing is heavy.

“What happened, Maggie? Are you okay?

“Yes, I’m okay. You saved my life again…” he looked at me doing that same wrinkle in his eyebrows.

“Again?”

“Summer of 1998, summer camp.”

He stares at me trying to figure out who I am. He analyzes my face for a couple of seconds. Then he says, “Wait you are the girl with the rainbow on her bait suit?”

“What are the odds?” Now I’m glad I came to this party.

When He Left

When the darkness hits he changes. Not into a werewolf or a superhero but someone else. The smell that lingers isn’t from his cologne but from cigarette buds and liquor. It fills the apartment when he walks in. This is what makes him change. He goes from the hardworking man we all love to the devil in the flesh.

Saturday begins: my boyfriend and I go out; Trevor plays video games all day and my mom does laundry. Every Saturday is when dad turns into that different person. He hasn’t come home since Friday night. It’s 2 pm.  We call but no one answers his phone, straight to voicemail.

We hear the keys in the door.  We brace ourselves because we know he must be drunk.

I turn around to mom “Relax please if he starts just go in your room and wait till he falls asleep.”

Before I can turn around mom screams, “Oh my God!” She runs to the door and I see Larry, his friend holding dad up.

Dad’s head is bleeding. The red blood was all over his leather jacket and blue jeans. My brother rushes out of the room, I feel his warm body standing next to me. Our hearts are in synced, beating faster than ever.

Larry says, “I didn’t have time to call you guys because I wanted to make sure he got upstairs as soon as possible.” He goes towards our bathroom.

“Raymond, what did you get yourself into?” Mom is trying to make sense out of the whole thing but he is in a daze.

“Dad, are you okay? Please answer me, what happened?” Tears roll down my face.

I place my hand over his chest to hear his heart beat but its beating so fast.

Trevor gets a warm cloth and puts it over his head to try and stop the bleeding. Larry is drunk as well and can’t give us the details of what happened. Dad comes out of the bathroom stubbing, eyes red and trying not to look at us.

Mom is trying to maintain her composure and not yell at Larry.

“You know if it was the other way around and your butt was drunk, Raymond would not have gotten this drunk so he could take you home! His head is bleeding!”

Larry stood silently. “It all happened so fast, I turned around and he was on the floor, he hit his head on something.”

Mom walks over to the phone to call 911 and under her breath, I hear, “I’m so sick and tired of this.”

Dad starts gasping for air.

He grabs his chest. His eyes move from side to side. A million thoughts are running through our minds. Why did he have to go out last night? Our thoughts are interrupted, as the EMS workers rush into our apartment.

“We can handle it from here. We will do the best we can to help him, trust us.” We watch the EMS workers hold him down to stop the bleeding and take his pulse.

As they took him out on the stretcher, he just laid there. We all followed them to the lobby.

“Sorry but only one of you can come with us,” says one of the EMS workers.  I decide to come. As they closed the doors, I watched mom and Trevor watch us leave the block. Trevor holding mom close and rubbing her back. I look down at dad and start crying.

 “Please dad stay alive for us, stay alive for me.

The whole ride I can’t stop thinking about what will change if he die.

We finally get to the hospital as the EMS rush him in. The doctors from the emergency room are asking them what happened and what kind of medicine he takes. There is one doctor in particular that had begun to ask me a million questions.

“Was he on any medication?”  Does he have a history of chest pain?  Does he have hypertension? Does he have heart problems?

“Yes he has high blood pressure,” I said.

“You noticed any changes in his behavior?”

Dad had been drinking a lot for the past 10 years. He is losing weight and forgetting things. This might have been a sign that something was wrong. He had gone to the doctor plenty of times because he has to for work but again he would say, “Don’t worry about me I’m fine.” He wasn’t fine then and He isn’t fine now. “I don’t know, he never told us anything.

The doctor must have had a feeling that I didn’t know the extent of my father’s situation. He simply told me, “Everything will be alright, he is in great care.” As he smiled, I smiled back but that didn’t make me feel any better. As soon as he walks away I hear my phone.

“Ally, has there been any news about your father?”

“No mom I wish it was something new I could tell you but he is still stable.”

“Okay keep me posted.”

The Next Day

I wake up hearing the sound of his breathing machine next to me. The sun is bright hitting my eyes. I look out the window. My watch says 10:30am.

“Good morning! Can I get you anything?” said the doctor. He is the same one from last night. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself last night but I’m Dr. Henry Lewis.” He held out his hand I shook it.

“Nice to meet you, is there any news on my father.” I didn’t want him to ask me anymore questions.

“Yes but its not good news. I think you should call your mom and brother so I can tell all of you guys at once,” he said. Something is wrong, I can’t wait. Mom will understand, she would rather us know as soon as we can.

“We waited long enough. As soon as you tell me I will call her and my brother.”

My heart started beating so fast, I was so nervous. My hands started to shake, Dr.  Lewis must have noticed, he took my hand.

“When we read his X-rays we saw he must have been hit in the head hard. The blow was so severe it affected his nerve muscles. That is what caused his heart attack. Another factor, is all the drinking he is doing.”

Dr. Lewis continued, “This is not all. Your father has a cancerous tumor on his brain. It is in the advance stage. I don’t know how long he knew or when he found out. Because of doctor and patient confidentiality we couldn’t tell family members. I assume the doctor told your dad to tell you but he decided not to. Your dad is dying and now we are trying to find out how long he has to live. My assumptions are that he has about 3 to 6 months to live. We are monitoring him very closely now.”

I need silence but I want noise. I want dad to tell me why he didn’t tell us. I know this sound selfish but how could he just decide to die and not tell us. I started crying again and I felt the doctor’s hand on my shoulder.

“If you want I can call your mom and tell her.”

“No I’m going to call her, just give me a minute to take everything in.”

“As you wish, again we are still monitoring him very closely. I know once he is awake he will be glad to see you, your mom and brother.” Dr. Lewis left the room and I heard him tell the nurse to bring me some water. I take out my phone to call them and I hear movement.

Dad is up. As soon as he sees me, a smile slightly comes across his face. I can’t contain my emotions so I start to cry in his arms. I feel his hand rubbing my back.

“I didn’t want you guys to worry. I know I should have told you and stopped drinking but I couldn’t. I was in extreme denial. I know I put you all through a lot of stress and pain but I won’t anymore.”

At this moment, I think about our apartment where arguments take place, doors slam and walls are hit. Where Trevor would keep his door closed until he knew dad was sleep. Mom begging him to stop drinking.

This same apartment where he taught me my ABC’s, how to count money. The table where Sunday Dinners were held, where we played UNO. The apartment will be quiet, just like we wanted it but not like this. They always say be careful what you wish for. Now I just want my dad to be healthy again.

———-Seymone Kelly

Grandma’s Angel

I always wondered why grandma had that mark on her knee. Mom never told me. Every time I ask her she says, “You’re too young to understand.”

As we turn onto my grandparents driveway that’s all I can think about. Well mom can’t say that now, I’m 18. Grandma has always been open with me, I can ask her a million questions and she’ll answer all of them.

I see grandpa on the lawnmower. The smell of grass is my favorite. Even though, the south can be boring if you don’t have anything to do, but I love the quietness.

Waking up to the sound of crickets, not sirens. The smell of dew in the early morning. Actually seeing the stars at night. Coming down to my grandparent’s house always makes me happy, the open space.

I roll down my window and stick my head out. Grandpa always cuts the grass when he knows we are on our way because I told him I love the smell of fresh grass.

“Hey Grandpa!” I yell from the car.

“Girl, he can’t hear you and don’t go distracting my father. He needs to focus, you’ll have time to say hi when we get inside.

I looked at mom to make sure she didn’t catch me rolling my eyes. She didn’t.

Dad parks by the house. I see the Dogwood tree that grandpa and I planted last year. Everything looks the same. Right in the back, I see the pear tree and grape vine. I can’t wait to eat from them. The fruit is always so much sweeter down here.

I hop out of the car. I see grandpa by the shed locking it up. I remember when me and some of my cousins were kids we tried to sneak in that shed. One night we did and grandpa was waiting. We had our flashlights out and as we were walking in, I see something. My cousin Terry yells, it’s a bear, we run out. Grandpa was dressed in a bear costume and scares us big times. He knew we were coming.

“How are my favorite people?” Grandpa opens his arms and I embrace him.

“We are good papa, how are you?”

“I’m hanging in there baby, taking one day at a time.” I see more wrinkles than the last time. His glasses are still big along with his smile.  He has on a plain button up, with khaki pants.

I watch them go into the house but grandpa is taken smaller steps then usually.

The smell of the apple pie fills the room, my grandparents know the key to my heart. I know grandma is in there cooking a Thanksgiving meal.

I find grandma in the kitchen as expected. I see her sprinkle some kind of spice in the big pot. Grandma is only 5 feet but she knows how to make her way around the kitchen. If she has to she will pull out a stool in a minute.

“Hey Babies, come on in and give me a big hug. I’ve been waiting for you guys.” She takes off her apron and walks over to us. Her salt and pepper hair is glowing as the sun peeps through the blinds. She has on a blue dress that hits her ankles. I know she made it, I can tell. She tells me all the time don’t waste my time going to the store.

The love my grandparents have for us fills the room. I always love being here, I don’t ever feel like I need to be anywhere else in the world. She comes to me and smiles. I hug her, she smells like honey and fresh fruit.

“Megan, you done got so big. Oh my lord, look at you. David you better start getting your gun ready. These little boys gonna be after her soon.” As Grandma says that Grandpa hits my dad’s shoulders.

“Don’t worry Mrs. Sharon, I have my gun ready. Mr. Louis already taught me how to use it.”  He winks at grandpa.

We all laugh. If they only knew I had a boyfriend, they would all flip.

Grandma ties her apron back around her waist. “Rebecca and Megan, start putting the plates, silverware and napkins on the table. I’ll start bringing the pots.”

Dad and grandpa head to the living room while the women of the house get everything together. Mom gets the plates and I get the silverware. I help grandma bring the hot pots to the table, and mom gets the lemonade and water from the fridge.

“Is that everything grandma?” I ask her, as she brings the last pot to the table.

“Yes baby, go get your father and grandpa.”

I yell, “Come on guys, it’s time to eat.”

Grandpa is struggling to get out of the seat, so I walk over to help him get up.

“Thank you, these bones of mine are getting old.” He smirks at me but I know it’s true.  We walk arm in arm into the dining room.

“Rebecca, can you say grace please?”

She takes a deep breathe, “Thank you Lord, for bringing us down here safely. Thank you for my family whom I love so much. Thank you for blessing my parents and keeping them strong. Continue to watch over David and Megan. And bless this food that has been prepared for us,  in Jesus name. Amen.”

“Amen.” Now it’s time to eat. Grandma made all of my favorites, candied yams, potato salad, collard greens, ham, homemade biscuits with honey and butter dripping from the corner. I was starving. On the plane ride, all I had was some peanuts and a ginger ale.

No one is talking, everyone is eating. Everyone looks happy.

………….AFTER THE DINNER………….

“Louis and David, Megan will bring you all dessert. Let us women have some alone time.” Grandpa and dad head to the living room.

Grandma passes me two slices of apple pie and ice cream. I take it to them and comeback to help mom and grandma.

“How’s everything Megan? Are you ready to go to college?” Grandma asks me as she starts cleaning the pots.

“Yes! I’m so excited but nervous at the same time.”

Mom looks at me, “I wish you were staying in the city or at least closer to home. California is so far away.” She doesn’t want me to go far but UCLA was one of the few colleges that offered me a full scholarship for Tennis. They have a winning team, so of course I want to go there.

“Baby it’s too late now, she’s going. All you can do is pray for her.”

“I know ma but it’s hard. I just want to be close so if anything happens I don’t have to take a plane.” She puts her head down and continues to wash the plates.

Grandma walks over to my mom. She dries her hands on her apron and lifts my mom’s head. “Megan is a wonderful girl, she’s smart, well-mannered and I know she will be just fine. I know that because you raised her. David is a great father, so I know no matter how far she goes, she will remember everything you guys taught her.”

Grandma was right, I knew better and I knew I would be fine. I have a couple of friends who are going to UCLA as well. So I won’t be completely by myself plus a cousin of mine lives in Cali. I can’t knock my parents for worrying but everything will be okay.

“Thanks ma I needed that.” She leans over and gives grandma a kiss on her forehead.

“I will be fine guys, I will call you every day! Well every other day.” We all laugh.

“Just remember Megan, not everyone is your friend and be careful of those boys.”

Grandma comes over to me, “Let’s have a small talk, Rebecca finish up the kitchen. Me and Megan are going to my room.”

I don’t know why but Mom gave strange.

We go to my grandparent’s room. I use to love coming in here when I was younger it was so big. I would try to climb in the bed but it was so high, I never could get up there. They have pictures of me , my parents, family members ,President Obama, Malcolm X and Rosa Parks. I can tell that the quilt on their bed grandma made just by the colors. Almost everything in their house she sewed or grandpa built.

“Sit on the bed, while I get this photo album.” She gets this huge book and sits next to me.

“Here it is.” She stares at this particular picture for about 5 second then she hands it to me.

“Who is this nana?”

“It’s me and my sister Angel.”

“You had a sister? I thought it was just you, Uncle Ben and Aunt Jess.”

A sad look came across her face. I never saw her this sad before.

“I know. I had a sister name Angel. She was about 14 years old in this picture. I was 16. We were like two peas in a pod. We did everything together. She was my best friend.”

“What happened to her? Mom never mentioned an Aunt Angel.”

“Well your mom didn’t know her but I told her about Angel when she was younger because she reminds me of her so much. Vibrate, determined. I guess God sent me your mother because I was lost.”

“Angel and I would go to the store together and get groceries for our folks. Our mom was very ill, so my dad would write a list and make us go to the store. Back then there was still segregation. So there was only one store in town owned by a white family called the Jones. They had a son name Donald who was 15 years old. I always caught him and Angel smiling at each other. The Jones were nice people but they didn’t want a black girl with their son.”

“I would rush Angel out of the store so his parents wouldn’t catch on. I remember one day I slept in late and she went to the store by herself. She came home talking about all the free candy Donald gave her. I told her not to get too friendly with him but of course she wouldn’t listen. So one day we were leaving the store and Donald’s friends were outside of the store.”

One yelled, “I heard that nigger likes Donald. You think her sister will like me.” They all started laughing. Donald was standing there not saying a word.

Angel and I kept walking. The one who made the comment, kept talking, “You heard me niggers. Your white boy can’t save you.”

Angel turned around and said, “No one wants you! Now leave us alone.” I wish she didn’t say anything but she was the feisty one.

At this point, the boys got up. Donald was telling them to relax. The one boy said, “Oh yeah, come here.” They all started chasing us. Angel and I ran as fast as we could. It’s only two of us and four of them. We dropped all of the groceries and ran through the woods. We could hear them laughing in the background. I tripped over a rock. I couldn’t get up, I looked at my knee and it was bleeding badly. Angel stopped to check on me.

“Get up, they are coming!”

“I can’t Angel, just go, run.” We were both scared at this point. We looked up and the boys were right there. Donald as well.

Donald yells, “Just leave them alone. They weren’t bothering you none.”

“No we have to teach them a lesson. The one that likes you ain’t hurt yet.” Four of them start walking faster towards Angel. I try to stand up but I couldn’t.

“Leave her alone, she ain’t do nothing.” I start hopping over to them, the boys start pushing her. Donald is just standing there. I try to stop them but they start pushing both of us. I fall.

I try to get up, I scream, “Leave her alone, please.” I hear a thump.

The boys run and I look over at Angel she isn’t moving. Donald is shaking her. I walk over, her eyes weren’t moving. I put my ear to her mouth but I felt nothing.

 “Donald do something, please.” I’m crying and punching his back. It’s his fault my sister isn’t breathing.”

Grandma starts to cry, I start to rub her back. I never saw her this upset.

“He gave her CPR, but at this point it was too late. I saw blood coming from her head. When they were pushing her she fell and hit her head really hard on a rock. Back then they didn’t have any experienced black doctors and they didn’t have many white doctors that would help black people. I will never forget that day. My folks didn’t blame me for her death but I blamed myself. I wish she would have listened to me maybe she would be here today.

She takes a moment.

I think about Angel every day, especially when I look at this mark on my knee. I know she is watching over me and my family. I learned from that situation that family is very important. All we want in life is for our loved ones to be safe and to make the right decisions. I always thought to myself that I should have told my parents about Donald and Angel. But if I did, it probably would have made things worst. Everything happens for a reason Megan. Your parents want you to be safe, they love you. Me and your grandpa love you too. Just always remember to pray. ”

“I will Grandma, I promise.” I give her a hug. Now I realize that this is the moment I have been waiting for. She waited until I was old enough to understand. I am no longer a little girl but a growing woman.

The 2 Train

She is the type that likes going to museums, I can tell. But me on the other hand, you can find in the strip club with my homeboys. I rather have a stripper’s ass in my face than look at a sculpture. Mom dukes says that’s my problem. “You can’t find a decent girl because you always in the streets.” I know she’s right but some strippers actually only strip for their college tuition.

I would stop going to the strip club for this one girl. She sparks my interest. I always see her when I’m on my way to school. There is something about her I like, maybe it’s her style. She must work on Wall Street or something. The way she dresses confirms my theory.

I know she would be surprised if she knew I was getting my Masters. Most people are but what can I say, I’m a hood dude but I’m book smart. Mom had to raise my sister and me on her own because pops got caught out there. He is spending his life in prison for some dumb shit. I could have ended up like him but that fast life gets annoying and dried up real fast.

Mom would like ‘the 2 train girl.’ I need to find out her name.

The one time I could have gotten the chance to ask, I didn’t. I was sitting down reading my book when she came into my car. There were no seats so I politely asked her if she wanted to sit.

She looked at me surprisingly and said, “Are you sure? I see you are studying and I don’t want to disrupt.”

“Nah it’s cool, I’m a gentleman.”

We smiled at each other. I went to stand by the door as she sat down and pulled out her hot pink headphones.

I could have continued the conversation but girls don’t want a guy that ‘sweats them,’ so I left it at that.

Today is the day though. Today is the day I talk to her. I mean it’s my last week of school anyway so I probably won’t see her. I’m a little nervous because I can tell she is different. I also have a presentation to do, so I’m trying to remain cool and confident. I’m glad my professor put me in a group with people who actually care about their grades. I hate working with people who are lazy.

Mondays are always annoying, so being able to speak to her would put me at ease.

Damn, its 8:35 a.m., I should have left at 8:25.

I spray some cologne on, and rush out the door.  Spending down the block, I get to the stairs in the station I hear, “Stand clear of the closing doors please.”

Swish, I take out my metro card and swipe. I see ‘2 train girl,’ holding the door for me.

“Thank you,” as I run onto the train. This should be easy.

“No problem.”

I dig in my pocket and get a tissue to wipe my face.

Then I hear, “You look very nice today. Isn’t it too early for a date?” I look up and I catch her looking me up and down.

Is she beating me at my own game?! “Every morning I have to make sure I look good. I never know if I’m going to see you.”

She blushes. Got her.

“Ha-ha but you really look nice.” She leans in. “You smell good too, what is that Burberry?”

“Wow, good guess. How do you know?

“I’m a manager at Macys in the cologne/perfume department.”

“A girl after my own heart. I do have a date with this presentation I have to do. So I have to look my best,” I say as I wink at her.

“You’re in school? What kind of presentation?” She looked really interested.

“I graduate next semester with my Masters in Business Management. The presentation is basically about large corporations coming in and making small businesses disappear. My group and I want to create something where smaller businesses can make a profit off of larger one. For example if Walmart comes to Harlem and I’m a small business owner, I should be able to have at least one stock in Walmart, if I sell my business. So at the end of the day, I will have some money coming in.”

“Wow that’s great. My dad had a small business in Harlem but of course he sold his business. I wish I would have known more about finance but I decided to take sociology.  Now I know someone who can help huh?” She bumps her shoulder onto mine.

“You do but we don’t know each other’s name. I’m Derrick and yours.” I grab her hand and shake it.

“I’m Allison.” I laughed because that’s such a white girl name for such a black girl.

“I know, Allison. Most people double take when I say my name but it’s real.”

“Well nice to meet you Allison. Allison and Derrick, sounds cute.”

“Real cute because for a minute there, I didn’t think I would ever get this much out of you,” says Allison.

“Really? I’m a cool dude though.”

“I see. You are cool right now. I hope you stay that way.”

“I’m not only cool but I’m handsome.” She rolls her eyes but laughs. “How about this, we exchange contact information and we go out. You like museums right?” I take my wallet out and get my business card to give to her.

She takes my card and hands me hers. “Yes I like museums but I’m also down for a strip club too.”

“Word, I would have never thought.” Damn I might like this girl.

“Can’t judge a book by its cover. But this is my stop Derrick, don’t forget to text me. Oh yeah good luck on your presentation!”

As the doors close, she winks at me and walks away.

I look at the business card she gives me. Damn her real name is Allison.

The Mac Boys

“Yo Sam, I need a favor.”

Paul’s eyes started twitching, I knew he was in trouble. He is looking outside my window as if someone is watching him.

His forest green collared shirt matched his dark blue jeans and Nikes. One thing about us Mac boys, we know how to dress. We could be having the worst day but you couldn’t tell looking at our outfits.

I know my brother too well, something is wrong. What do I expect, he was a drug dealer. He was never safe in or out of the game. Right now watching him, rub his sweaty palms, something is up.

“Paul what’s wrong? I hope you aren’t still gang banging. We lost too many people.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I‘m just trying to do the right thing.”

“You said that last year, when Keith died. Paul, I’m telling you now, I refuse to bury you or visit you in jail for some bullshit.” The look he gave me after I said that, was as if I had five heads. Paul knew what I was saying was true whether he wanted to listen to me or not.

I’m not innocent, I use to be right with Paul but I changed. Once I found Jenny, that shit wasn’t my life anymore.

“You sound like mama right now. The last thing I need is a lecture ight.”

I stepped back because I refuse to have an argument while Jenny is sleep. “Paul, you got it, what do you need?”

“I need $1,500.00.”

I’m trying to hold my composure. “The hell, you need that much money for!?”

“I just need it.”

“You think I just walk around with that kind of money?”

Mama must have spoken to him recently because I got a promotion. She is always bragging about my life to Paul. I wish she would stop doing that. Paul wouldn’t have ended up going down this path if she didn’t enable him. Yeah I sold drugs for a minute, but I saved that money. On the other hand Paul, he loves that lifestyle. I was always known as the ‘good son,’ Paul felt like he couldn’t even compare.

I don’t know how we turned out so differently but we did. Pops wasn’t around but I didn’t let that affect me. We both wanted to be better than him but somehow ended up just like him. I just didn’t take that long to change.

No matter what, mama always tells me to look out for him. I just hope me giving him this money is for something good. I can’t play with this money, I have a child on the way.Jenny just won’t know at least for tonight.

“Sam, trust me.”

“Fine, stay right here.”

One of the biggest kingpins in New York was my mentor. He gave me a safe when I first started working for him. This safe, no one knows the code but me and him. That’s exactly, where I keep my gun and money. Jenny doesn’t even know I have a gun, that’s something she will never know. I take out $750, I trust Paul but then I don’t. Walking back into the living room, I see Paul is still standing by the window.

“Here is $750.00. Come to me in two days and I’ll give you the rest.”

“Thanks bro. I will pay you back.”

“I hope so.” He hugs me. We haven’t hugged since we were kids… He smells like cigarettes. I get this weird feeling but I shake it off.

He walks out the door and nods as he pushes the door to the staircase.

Closing the door I hear, “What did your brother want this time?” Jenny has her arms folded. I know she is pissed but I have to ignore her little attitude. I didn’t even hear her wobble her preggo butt into the living room.

“Nothing baby, just to talk.” I try to get her mind off of it. I don’t want to argue, so I start rubbing her shoulders and kissing her neck.

“Don’t try to butter me up.”

“I’m not, you and the baby need to get some rest.” I take her hand and we start walking towards the bedroom.

Pow Pow.

My heart jumps.

“What the hell was that?” I motion for Jenny to stay put but I can tell she is scared. There was a time when I had to run from bullets.

I run to the window. I see two guys running, someone is on the ground. The street light is shining on the person’s shirt. I can’t make out color…waitttt…its forest green. Paul!!!

“Baby call 911!!!! I think they shot Paul.”

Jenny looks so nervous, “Oh my God, I’m calling right now.”

I grab my keys off the counter and run down the steps. I just hear people screaming, I’m hoping he isn’t dead.

As I push open the door, I notice Shannon aka the neighborhood crack head. This is the first time in years, I’ve seen Shannon cry. The last time she did was when her kids died. I ran over to him and Shannon has his head in her lap. Paul looks at me and faintly smiles.

“Paul where does it hurt?” I lift up his shirt and see blood coming from his side. I take my hoodie off and try to apply pressure.

“You have people after you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You have Jenny and my future nephew or niece to worry about. “

I don’t move him, just watch him. I hear the ambulance. A few seconds later, two EMS workers run over to Paul. Two officers are right behind them.

I step back and let the EMS workers do their job. In the midst of this, cops start asking Paul questions.

I turn to the EMS worker, “What hospital are you taking him to?”

“Mount Sinai.”

“Okay thank you.” I turn back to Paul, “I’ll meet you there. Let me just get my cell phone.”

“I’m fine Sam.”

“Stop being stubborn, I’m coming just give me 15 minutes.”

“Okay.” As they put him on the stretcher, I walk back to the door. There’s a folded paper on the ground just where we were. I pick it up.

The paper reads, “Bursar Office: For all of your classes the cost is $1,500.00. It needs to be paid in full by September 15th.”
Confused, I watch the EMS put Paul in their truck. I realize my brother is really trying to get his life together.

No one is going to mess with his second chance. No one.
My gun is definitely, coming with me to the hospital.

—-Seymone Kelly

His Scent

Dad opens the door and appears to be giving someone a hug. I can’t tell who it is because mom has me fluffing the pillows on the sofa. I hear the door slam and then a voice. It sounds very familiar but I can’t tell who it is.

I hear two sets of footsteps coming towards the living room. As I look up I see Mark. He has on dark blue jeans which are cuffed at the bottom. His plaid navy shirt fits loosely but tight on his body, showing all of his muscles.

The birthday boy aka dad is smiling ear to ear. Dad got stuck with me and Grace, so Mark is like the son, he always wanted. I mean I was the tomboy growing up. I use to get down and dirty with the boys. Baseball, basketball, I was on almost every sport’s team. You would even catch me not wearing deodorant. Eventually I figured out that was something I had to change because guys wanted someone that smelled better than them.

I begin to fix my dress because being bent over all day, it’s wrinkled. As soon as I look up I catch Mark watching me. We smile at each other. I could never really look him in the eyes. I felt like he was looking into my soul.

Mark walks over to mom and gives her a kiss on the cheek. I love watching Mark walk, so confident and sexy.

As they converse in the living room, I quietly leave because I realize I haven’t even started dad’s favorite dessert, banana pudding.

I remember when I first met Mark. It was in my freshman English class at NYU. Both English majors, so our connection was always through poetry and philosophy. We never took it to the next level but that didn’t mean, we never flirted. I mean, we both make little comments here and there but neither of us have acted on it. I guess we are afraid. No one wants to deal with the drama of being friends first then lovers. So much stuff happens. But then again, that is what makes it so exciting. Five years later, we are still friends and my family still loves him.

Occasionally, I’ll rub his beard or he’ll grab my hand. Innocent, pure innocent gestures when no one is watching. Or if they are, he’ll do it in a way where it’s playful. That’s just how we are. Very discreet movements like a mouse moving quietly trying to get the cheese without being caught.

Searching through kitchen, for all the ingredients, I finally find the bananas in the fridge. I know that’s where mom usually puts them if no one eats them quickly enough. That lady is a trip.

I start to peel the first banana and I feel someone watching me. As I turn, it’s Mark. Our eyes lock, I feel hot. He winks at me and slowly walks over. The smell of his cologne fills up the kitchen. Last Christmas, I brought him that limited edition cologne. At the time, I was working for Macys so of course, I got a discount. When he opened his gift, he hugged me so tightly. I will never forget the smile on his face. His dad brought him his first cologne when he turned sixteen. Every year, his dad would get him a different cologne. After his father died, I knew something like that would be even more special.

Since then, I’ve noticed every time he is around me he wears it. I know he does it on purpose. There is only one person I know that hates it, Grace. “I can’t wait till that cologne is gone, he wears it all the time.” She’s just mad I got it before she could.

Mark then stands behind me, not close but I can feel his body heat. He leans in. I feel his breathe on my neck, it’s warm. My heart is beating fast. I’m trying to focus on cutting the bananas without losing a finger. I can hear his lips part slowly, “Faith.” He then puts one hand on my shoulder, the other hand is traveling down my back. I place the knife down and turn to him. I rub my finger across his lips. He smiles. My tongue travels across his neck. I move to his earlobe and bite it softly. I feel his heart beating fast, as he places both hands on my face. He slowly aligns our faces in front of each other. Our lips touch. We share the same air for a quick second. Then we kiss, it’s intense, our bodies have been craving for this.

“WHAT THE HELL!” We turn around abruptly to find my sister standing in the door way.

“I can explain.” But I can’t. I’m at a loss for words. She looks at me then at Mark then back at me. She stares at us for about, I don’t know how long. Grace runs out.

“Grace come back!” I yell to her, but all I hear is the door slam. As I attempt to catch her, Mark grabs me quickly.

I jump up. I’m sweating, I’m confused. I look around and I’m in my room.

Then I realize, it was Grace shaking me out of my sleep. When we catch eyes, she stands over me with her arms folded.

“Girl, what in the world were you dreaming about?”

Trying to get my thoughts together I answer, “Nothing important.” She looks at me strangely and leaves the room.

At this point, I realize Mark has to choose between me or my sister.